If it was something that most people felt, especially during the beginning of the first lockdown in 2020, was loneliness. Loneliness is a state of discomfort due to a lack of social connection in terms of quality and/or quantity. In other words, it does not necessarily have to do with the number of people you physically surround yourself with, but with how much you are emotionally connected to someone. Actually, being in a state of being alone for some time (i.e., solitude) can have a positive impact on your life since it can help you to recharge and refocus. 

Loneliness is considered as a secondary emotion; meaning that it is a response to a primary emotion, in this case, sadness. People have the tendency and urge to develop. To do so they search for people with whom they “vibe” together (i.e., feel safe to group together). In social psychology, integrated threat theory suggests that people are motivated to belong to a group because it increases their self-perception; as if their identity is extended. 

A few months ago I was watching on Netflix a documentary-style series called “Jailbirds” which is about the everyday life of some female prisoners in Sacramento County Main Jail. What caught my attention was the so-called “toilet talk” where prisoners created a system to communicate with other prisoners through the toilets’ pipes. What was even more astonishing was the fact that some of them were able to “create a relationship”. I’m sure there is a slew of examples I can use to illustrate the extent someone can go to feel emotionally connected. 

Considering that our feelings and states are feedback to our thoughts, it is an opportunity for you to reconsider the boundaries you have with other people and how much you allow yourself to connect with others. However, if the feelings of loneliness are prolonged, then, its impact can even escalate to extreme stress. Studies shed light on the dynamic relationship between burnout and loneliness and showed that burnout can lead to feelings of loneliness which results in being less resilient. Consecutively, the ramifications of loneliness can lead to mental, physical, and emotional instabilities.

Nonetheless, when it comes to loneliness, one scenario of keeping ourselves away from people is because we assume that they will “not understand me”. Maybe it is true, maybe it is not. But the emotional connection is not one-sided.  Both sides have to show some effort. Therefore, next time you believe that they will not understand you, try to understand them and find common ground where you feel safe about sharing your part. Use these feelings to understand yourself and be able to reflect on what you need to communicate with other people to understand your stance.