In my first Human Sexuality class, one of our first assignments was to complete our sexual script. Scripts, in psychology, are the formulas you create, influenced by your culture, in order to behave in different situations and settings.  Usually, we are not aware of our scripts since those are what set our normalcy in the first place. Even though everyone has their own script of life, very few understand that our scripts are part of our identity, and in order to know ourselves is important to be aware of our scripts. 

Talking about our sexual scripts, those are the scripts we created on the information we received or did not receive while growing up. Sexual scripts can influence the way we perceive our sexuality and relationships which subsequently will affect the quality of the bonding we have with other people. 

Let me distill what I mean. According to Dr. Johnson’s research studies, our need for connection engenders our need to feel safe. Due to our societal evolution, people do not necessarily use sex only for pleasure and procreation. Sex acts as a medium for safety, curiosity, and risk-taking. She described sex as a “potent bonding activity” since it releases oxytocin. Among other things, she compares sex with zip lining. People find excitement and joy in doing zip lining because they can let themselves feel free but at the same time they feel safe because they know that they are hung from a line.

You may wonder, what about the people who tend to avoid being emotionally connected and avoid bonding? In this case, the correct question would be, how was their script written which shaped their idea of emotional connection to be something negative? The answer to that lies in their idea of emotion and safety. If they interpret emotional bonding as something fearful or if the idea of being vulnerable suggests weakness and does not resonate with their image of themselves, then, they tend to focus on rejection and fear. Also, as with any new experience, there is the element of the unknown. Therefore, if people are unable or if it’s too challenging for them to feel comfortably uncomfortable, then again, they will tend to avoid any connection which can be emotional.